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(and a Waffle Iron)
(and Got Swole)
(and a Volcano)
(and Pregnant)
(and an Aboveground Pool)
(and a Tardigrade)
(and a Formula One Race Car)
(and Attending a Job Fair)
(and a Beekeeper)
(and a Depression Era Hobo)
(and Has an Itch He Can't Reach)
(and a Medieval Scholar)
(and a Funicular)
(and Works Retail)
(and a Bake Sale)
(and an Avid Birdwatcher)
(and a Snake)
(and Overly Caffeinated)
(and a Podcast)
(and an All You Can Eat Buffet)
(and a Slip n' Slide)
(and a Highly Advanced Robot)
(and on Ebay)
(and a Hot Cup of Coffee)
(and Atlas)
(and an Aspiring DJ)
(and Making an Important Pumpkin)
(and a Late Night Talk Show Host)
(and a Treadmill)
(and My Camp Counselor)
(and a Cursed Monkey Paw)
(and a Master Cooper)
(and a Gazebo)
(and a Librarian)
(and Breaking the Sound Barrier)
(and Baba Yaga's House)
(and a Brand New Pair of Tennis Shoes)
(and We're Dressing up as Our Fathers)
(and a Gorgon)
(and a Surrealist Painting)
(and a Hall of Mirrors)
(and the World's Tiniest Violin)
(and a Hot Air Balloon)
(and an Analog Clock)
(and a Card From a Collectible Card Game)
(and a Rad Dirtbike)
(and a Flaky Croissant)
(and an Unreturned Blockbuster DVD)
(and a Big Jar of Coins)
(and a Beanbag Chair in a Middle School Library)
(and an Ice Cream Sundae)
(and a Rootin' Tootin' Cowboy)
(& a Scratch n Sniff Sticker on My 5th Grade History Folde
(and a Blanket Right Out of the Dryer)
(and a Complicated Board Game)
(and a Mirror)
(and the Hall Monitor)
(a Hermit Crab with an Unusual Home)
(and Experiencing VR For the First TIme)
(and an Ant Farm)
(and a Sphinx)
(and My Favorite T-Shirt That Went Missing Years Ago)
(and Jellied Cranberry Sauce)
(and a Tide Pool Teeming With Life)
(and a Bathmat of Dubious Freshness)
(and a Hedge Maze)
(and an Extreme Sports Beverage)
(and Heraclitus Walking Through a River)
(and an Axolotl)
(and a College Application Essay)
(and a Celebrity Chef)
(and Just Got a Metal Detector)
My Dad is Dracula (and a '90s Alien)
(and Andrew W.K.)
(and Drinking Enough Water Every Day)
(and a Stalagmite)
(and a Student Cutting Class)
(and a Centaur)
(and a Box of Crayons)
(and a Midnight Snack)
(and Emerging From a Clown Car)
(and Stuck in Quicksand)
(and My Birthday Cake)
(and an Excel Spreadsheet)
(and a Dog Who Really Wants to Go Out)
(and the Dryer Lint Filter)
(and a Lost and Found Box)
(and My Landlord)
(and a Ghostbuster)
(and an Elite Hacker)
(and Rudolph the Red-Nosed-Reindeer)
(and on a Holiday Break)
(on a Competitive Baking Show)
(and a Twitch Streamer)
(and Got Swole)
(and a Cloud that Looks Like a Bunny)
(and Pregnant)
(and an Old Sidewalk)
(and an Above Ground Pool)
(and My Valentine)
(and a Corn Dog)
(and a Formula One Race Car)
(and a Beekeeper)
(and a Depression Era Hobo)
(and a Medieval Scholar)
(and Works Retail)
(and a Bake Sale)
(and a Snake)
(and a Podcast)
(and an All You Can Eat Buffet)
(and a Slip n' Slide)
(and on Ebay)
(and a Glided Age Robber Baron)
(and a Rodeo Clown)
(and an Aspiring DJ)
(and a Flower in Bloom)
(and a Hot Cup of Coffee)
(and a Computer Virus)
(and Growing Out His Hair)
(and a Wishing Well)
(and Time Itself)
(and Constantly Exploding)
(and a Tumbleweed)
(and Shakespeare)
(and a Rotary Dial Phone)
(and a Looming Deadline)
(and the Library of Babel)
(and NOT a Pyramid Scheme)
(and a Big Leaf Pile)
(and a Bottle of Hot Sauce)
(and My Guidance Counselor)
(and an After School Special)
(and My Doctor)
(and a Moth)
(and the Brand Ambassador of Spicy Chicken Slammers)
(and Johnny Appleseed)
(and My Roommate)
(and My Dungeon Master)
(and a Giant Mecha)
(and a Free Continental Breakfast)
(and a Drop of Dew on a Blade of Grass)
(and an Exclamation Point)
& a Film of Oil on a Rainpuddle in a Chainstore Parking Lot
(and a Snail)
(and an IRS Auditor)
(and My Substitute Teacher)
(and a Sandwich Artist)
(and a Watched Pot)
(and an Anime Body Pillow)
(and a Gold Rush Era Prospector)
(and a Chocolate Easter Bunny)
(and a Brand New Sketchbook)
(and a Parade Balloon)
(and a Can of Aerosol Air Freshener)
(and a Newsie)
(and a Deviled Egg)
(and a Box of Cereal With a Prize Inside)
(and Gone Fishing)
(and a Raincloud)
(and Training For a New World Record)
(and a Refreshing Breath Mint)
(and a Hardwood Floor Hidden Beneath an Ugly Shag Carpet)
(and a Time Traveler)
(and the Last Snowman of Winter)
(and a Backyard Barbecue)
(and a Librarian)
(and a Missing Chapstick that Went Through the Dryer)
(and Reproductive Rights are Human Rights)
(and a Big Fluffy Sheep)
(and the Maitre D' of a Fine Dining Establishment)
(and Ozymandias)
(and a Pottery Teacher)
(and the Secret to a Good Salad)
(and a Bumper Sticker)
(and a Drawing of Him I Made When I Was Six)
(and a Lava Lamp)
(and a World-Class Figure Skater)
(and a Deep Sea Diver)
(and an Overdue Library Book
(and a Bridge Over Troubled Water)
(and a Hammock)
(and a Constellation)
(and the Finish Line of a Marathon)
(and the Hand of Fate)
(and a Hydrox Cookie)
(and a White Mage)
(and a Stinky Litter Box)
(and the Editor of My Yearbook)
(and a Gourmet Hot Dog)
(and a Fortune Teller Machine)
(and a Mysterious Silhouette to be Revealed on June 2)
(and a Giraffe)
(and a Surrealist Painting)
(and Working From Home)
(and My Lab Partner)
(and a Gargoyle Perched on a Gothic Cathedral)
(and a Smoke Detector)
(and a Marketable Plushie)
(and a Professional Dog Walker)
(and a Gorgeous Sunset)
(and a Tardigrade)
(and a Helpful Paperclip)
(and Networking)
(and a Twitch Streamer)
(and the Sandman)
(and Listening to Sad Music)
(and a '90s Alien)
(and a Blanket Right Out of the Dryer)
(and a Baby Goat at the Petting Zoo)
(and Cosplaying as Me)
(and Opening Up)
(and in The Far Side Comic Strip)
(and a Lighthouse)
(and a Computer Virus)
(and the Ship of Theseus)
(and a Peacock)
My Father is Nosferatu (and Now I am Also a Dad)
(and a Group Chat Notification)
(and Has Got Big Plans for the 4th of July)
(and Overly Caffeinated)
(and Training for a New World Record)
(and Having a Yard Sale)
(and a Jumbo Tub of Popcorn)
(and a Ghost)
(and a Treasure Map)
(and Cancelled Plans to Stay In)
(and a Toaster Ready to Pop)
(and a Classic Gaming Console)
(and Freshly Baked Bread)
(and a Smoke Detector)
(and a Dishwasher Full of Clean Dishes)
(and the Hero's Journey)
(and Universal Basic Income)
(and a UFO)
(and Running from His Past)
(and a Painter of Landscapes)
(and a Shopping List)
(and a Jeff Koons Sculpture)
(and Orpheus Leaving the Grocery Store)
(and a Family Size Box of Mac and Cheese)
(and a Digital Jukebox)
(and Covered in Bugs)
(and a Pile of Clean Laundry)
(and Washing His Hair)
(and a Fanny Pack)
(and a Mug of Tea I Just Made)
(and a Favorite Comic Book)
(and Ordering a Pizza)
(and a Lighthouse)
(and a Cactus)
(and a Pie Cooling on a Window Sill)
(and a Cursor)
(and an Arcade Game)
(and a VHS Cassette Tape)
(and Dreaming)
(and a Wizard)
(and a Ripe Avocado)
(and a Late Night Scary Movie)
(and a Monster Truck)
(and Going on Vacation)
(and a Giant Clam)
(and a Junk Drawer)
(and the Beach)
(and the Spirit of the Stairs)
(and Out in Left Field)
(and the Pied Piper of Hamlin)
(and Trying on New Clothes)
(and a Roller Coaster)
(and a Kite)
(and the Moon)
(and Prank Calling Me)
(and a Waffle Iron)
(and a Volcano)
(and Attending a Job Fair)
(and Stone Soup)
(and a Funicular)
(and a Highly Advanced Robot)
(and Curled Up With a Good Book)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Dusty Record Collection)
(and an Intramural Volleyball Player)
(and on the Last Hole of a Miniature Golf Course)
(and a Post-Apocalyptic Road Warrior)
(and Working From Home)
(and a Fancy Cheese Plate)
(and an Indoor Gardener)
(and a Professional Wrestler)
(and a Cabinet of Curiosities)
(and a Dial-Up Modem)
(and We Dressed Up As Our Fathers)
(and a Generic Brand Bag of Cereal)
(and a Fiber Artist)
(and a Drive-thru Intercom System)
(and a Backyard Beehive)
(and a Shiny Brass Door Knob)
(and a Helpful Paperclip)
(and an Illuminated Manuscript)
(and Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs)
(and My Camp Counselor)
(and a Cursed Monkey's Paw)
(and a Master Cooper)
(and Baba Yaga's House)
(and a Surrealist Painting)
(and in a Hall of Mirrors)
(and a Cornucopia)
(and a Hot-Air Balloon)
(and an Analog Clock)
(and a Card From a Collectible Card Game)
(and an Unreturned Blockbuster DVD)
(and a Grain Silo)
(and an Old Couch on the Curb)
(and a Beanbag Chair in a Middle School Library)
(and a Scratch n Sniff Sticker on My Grade 5 History Folder)
(and an Ice Cream Sundae)
(and a Complicated Board Game)
(and My Favorite T-Shirt that Went Missing Years Ago)
(and a Tide Pool Teeming with Life)
(and a Bathmat of Dubious Freshness)
(and My New Year's Resolutions)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Hedge Maze)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Extreme Sports Beverage)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Trusty Funnel)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Axolotl)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Stiletto Heel)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Celebrity Chef)
My Dad is Dracula (and Just Got a Metal Detector)
My Dad is Dracula (and a 90s Alien)
My Dad is Dracula (and Andrew W.K.)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Solar Panel)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Stalagmite)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Inside-Out Umbrella)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Centaur)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Box of Crayons)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Midnight Snack)
My Dad is Dracula (and Stuck in Quicksand)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Scavenger Hunt)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Excel Spreadsheet)
My Dad is Dracula (and the 999th Sheep Counted)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Dog Who Really Wants to Go Out)
My Dad is Dracula (and the Dryer Lint Filter)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Lost and Found Box)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Pile of Unread Schoolbooks)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Potbelly Stove)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Polaroid Camera)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Hydra)
My Dad is Dracula (and Waiting to Sign For a Package)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Slide)
My Dad is Dracula (and the Three Musketeers)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Brain in a Jar)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Organized Sock Drawer)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Late Night Talk Show Host)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Sunken Ship)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Gazebo)
My Dad is Dracula (and Breaking the Sound Barrier)
My Dad is Dracula (and the World's Tiniest Violin)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Flaky Croissant)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Old 3.5 Inch Floppy Disk)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Big Jar of Coins)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Bunch of Googly Eyes)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Sphinx)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Blanket Right Out of the Dryer)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Mirror)
My Dad is Dracula (and My Valentine)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Benchpress)
My Dad is Dracula (and Heraclitus Walking Thru a River)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Saint Bernard)
My Dad is Dracula (and a College Application Essay)
My Dad is Dracula (and Drinking Enough Water Every Day)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Student Cutting Class)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Ghostbuster)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Elite Hacker)
My Dad is Dracula (and on a Competitive Baking Show)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Cloud That Looks Like a Bunny)
My Dad is Dracula (and on a Zoom Call)
My Dad is Dracula (and the New Sheriff in Town)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Lakeside Cabin in the Woods)
My Dad is Dracula (and Puss in Boots)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Escaped Pet Hamster)
My Dad is Dracula (and Taking a Bubble Bath)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Cast Iron Skillet)
My Dad is Dracula (and Training for a New World Record)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Tennis Ball Hanging in the Garage)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Pause Button)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Turnspit Dog)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Drinking Fountain)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Ham Radio Operator)
My Dad is Dracula (and the Library of Babel)
My Dad is Dracula (and an After School Special)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Moth)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Plastic Bread Clip)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Giant Mecha)
My Dad is Dracula (and My Substitute Teacher)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Watched Pot)
MDiD (and the One Grocery Cart With the Squeaky Wheel)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Parade Balloon)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Drippy Faucet)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Newsie)
MDiD (and the Brand Ambassador of Spicy Chicken Slammers)
Beautiful Hardwood Floor Hidden Beneath an Ugly Shag Carpet
MDiD (and a Missing Chapstick That Went Through the Dryer)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Software Pirate)
My Dad id Dracula (and a Big Fluffy Sheep)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Spring Bulb Waiting to Sprout)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Bumper Sticker)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Chocolate Easter Bunny)
My Dad is Dracula (and a Hammock)
My Dad is Dracula (and the Ship of Theseus)
My Dad is Dracula (and an Earthworm)
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Get this, son: *utilities included*
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