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READS RIGHT TO LEFT
This is BAD DIALOG. It mimics the stiff style of early 90's comic book writing, full of exposition and clunkiness. If you want a specific book who's example you should avoid, may I turn you attention to Star Wars: Crimson Empire 2, Council of Blood. It's not bad, but it's not good by any means, and certainly does not deserve to be anybody's point of reference.
KusoTaisa & Mizuno.H
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